A Family Hospital Visit with Mommy

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My beautiful friend Sam, my husband, and my new found Friend Brooke captured photos and footage from my surgery day so there will be more to come, but I wanted to share this one image of my little family spending time with me while I was bound to my hospital bed for a few days post surgery. Luckily they had me nicely medicated so my pain was controlled and Corryn could get close allowing mommy hide a her pain with smile.

For my my awesome sister Kate who lovingly mothered me a bit today and will love hearing she’s right: Yes I am the crazy patient who always wears makeup on surgery days and the crazy patient that wets her budding hair out of her water cup, after her 4:30am vital checks in the hospital, I am the crazy patient who keeps facial wipes, deodorant, perfume and make-up by my bedside so I can freshen up and even apply a little eye makeup at least, so I’m not looking too much of a wreck when my doctors round around 5:30-6 am. My awesome but motherly sister thinks sometimes I need to let people/especially my medical team see just how awful I feel to ensure I am treated for all of my symptoms and quit making myself look healthier then I am with make-up and a big smile. (She laughs when she mothers so it’s ok). In retrospect she is probably right. Who am I kidding? After not letting me shower with left over surgical iodine all over my body and being stuck in a hospital bed for 4 days my medical team, and my visitors would have given me a pass to look like the hell I was feeling, huh? But I’m a girl at heart and even at my sickest moments, I want to look my best. Silly I know.

Genetic and Oncotype Results

Today was in a sense “D” day with my amazing Surgical Oncologist Dr. Marianne Melnik who performed my bilateral mastectomy just over 3 weeks ago (My first surgery). Before walking into the exam room I was greeted by hugs from both Dr. Melnik and her amazingly sweet and helpful nurse practitioner, Kim. With a camera in tow I began to explain that I had a photographer documenting my journey in photos and that I really wanted something bigger and more positive to come from all of the negative that seemed to be surrounding me. Although Sam was not able to be with us today, Jordan acted as a stand-in to capture the raw moments. Watching both of their faces light up as I talked of my plans filled my heart with warmth and joy and oddly distracted me from our meeting intentions.

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I’ll be honest, over the past few weeks I have been preparing myself to hear that I would only require 5 years of hormone therapy in pill form and at the most 5 weeks of radiation treatment, however the Onco-type testing results from tissues taken at the time of surgery came back with higher levels then expected which means that my treatment course now requires chemo, radiation, and hormone therapy. As Dr. Melnik gave me the news my heart sank and my body and mind instantly went numb. In a weird way having cancer without the need for chemo almost felt like not exactly having cancer, or at least having a lesser form. Now that chemo is in my future this cancer and this diagnosis seems so much more real and in a way it feels like I am now having to tell everyone the bad news for the very first time all over again.

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