Today Marks One Year Since My Bilateral Mastectomy

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One year ago at about this exact moment in time, I was being wheeled off to the first of many scary surgeries. Today was the day that I officially said goodbye to my breasts and to my body, as I had always known it. But today was also the day that I was forced to say hello to a life with cancer. I didn’t know it at the time, but today was going to be a very pivotal day in my breast cancer journey and will most likely be a day that I always remember. Looking back through the photos, I am realizing that I no longer know the young, shy, and naive woman that I am seeing. I am grateful and even somewhat proud of how strong I was in what I now know to be very scary moments, but I am also astonished at how clueless I really was about what was heading my way, which may have been a tiny blessing as well.

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Gone Viral

After a pretty intense day, I received a phone call from a reporter at Fox 17 news who mentioned that a few people whom I do not know had contacted them saying that they felt what I was doing was inspiring others and it was worth sharing. I’ll be honest, I had literally just got home from my getting my “scary” news and after getting only an hour of sleep the night before, getting the news about my treatment and then talking to a few of my other doctors on the phone with updates from the day, all I really wanted to do was take a nap.

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Genetic and Oncotype Results

Today was in a sense “D” day with my amazing Surgical Oncologist Dr. Marianne Melnik who performed my bilateral mastectomy just over 3 weeks ago (My first surgery). Before walking into the exam room I was greeted by hugs from both Dr. Melnik and her amazingly sweet and helpful nurse practitioner, Kim. With a camera in tow I began to explain that I had a photographer documenting my journey in photos and that I really wanted something bigger and more positive to come from all of the negative that seemed to be surrounding me. Although Sam was not able to be with us today, Jordan acted as a stand-in to capture the raw moments. Watching both of their faces light up as I talked of my plans filled my heart with warmth and joy and oddly distracted me from our meeting intentions.

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I’ll be honest, over the past few weeks I have been preparing myself to hear that I would only require 5 years of hormone therapy in pill form and at the most 5 weeks of radiation treatment, however the Onco-type testing results from tissues taken at the time of surgery came back with higher levels then expected which means that my treatment course now requires chemo, radiation, and hormone therapy. As Dr. Melnik gave me the news my heart sank and my body and mind instantly went numb. In a weird way having cancer without the need for chemo almost felt like not exactly having cancer, or at least having a lesser form. Now that chemo is in my future this cancer and this diagnosis seems so much more real and in a way it feels like I am now having to tell everyone the bad news for the very first time all over again.

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