A Family Hospital Visit with Mommy

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My beautiful friend Sam, my husband, and my new found Friend Brooke captured photos and footage from my surgery day so there will be more to come, but I wanted to share this one image of my little family spending time with me while I was bound to my hospital bed for a few days post surgery. Luckily they had me nicely medicated so my pain was controlled and Corryn could get close allowing mommy hide a her pain with smile.

For my my awesome sister Kate who lovingly mothered me a bit today and will love hearing she’s right: Yes I am the crazy patient who always wears makeup on surgery days and the crazy patient that wets her budding hair out of her water cup, after her 4:30am vital checks in the hospital, I am the crazy patient who keeps facial wipes, deodorant, perfume and make-up by my bedside so I can freshen up and even apply a little eye makeup at least, so I’m not looking too much of a wreck when my doctors round around 5:30-6 am. My awesome but motherly sister thinks sometimes I need to let people/especially my medical team see just how awful I feel to ensure I am treated for all of my symptoms and quit making myself look healthier then I am with make-up and a big smile. (She laughs when she mothers so it’s ok). In retrospect she is probably right. Who am I kidding? After not letting me shower with left over surgical iodine all over my body and being stuck in a hospital bed for 4 days my medical team, and my visitors would have given me a pass to look like the hell I was feeling, huh? But I’m a girl at heart and even at my sickest moments, I want to look my best. Silly I know.

Preparing to Tackle Another Surgery

The last few months have been difficult and scary at times, but have also been a really great time for self growth and discovery. Although I am still dealing with some and probably always will be dealing with some of the very limiting and painful post-breast cancer side effects in addition to the side effects from the hormone therapy I will be on for the next 10-15 years, I will admit that, I do feel a tiny bit more like myself with each day that passes, which is uplifting in itself. Over the past few months, I have had several routine appointments, blood draws, scans, and X-rays that in most cases have lead to the dreaded “we have to run further testing to confirm this is not a new tumor and to confirm that your cancer is not coming back” conversation. As you can imagine, this keeps my life on an emotional roller-coaster, but it also continuously reminds me to be thankful for each and every day at the same time. I will be the first to admit that hearing those words NEVER gets easier. With each phone call my heart skips a beat and plummets into my stomach and even with my sometimes blind optimism in check, I at times still find it hard to keep my mind from going to dark places in those moments. So far a second chest x-Ray has confirmed that an opacity found on a scan is not a new breast tumor, and an echocardiogram has confirmed that I do not have any more damage to my heart then expected after taking a chemotherapy drug that decreases heart function, in addition to receiving radiation treatments that cause heart failure later, but I am still in the process of determining why my liver levels are consistently high. Elevated liver enzymes can suggest a cancer recurrence so although my levels are not dangerously high, my doctors are keeping a very close eye on things. We have been repeating and watching my blood work for months, and I have had an ultrasound done that  revealed a small mass on my liver that they actually found and documented in a previous scan. However, the good news the mass hasn’t grown too much over the past year, so my oncologist is hopeful it is not cancer. Just to be sure, I will be having a CT scan in the coming weeks to rule this possibility out all together.

Tomorrow is the day

Ok let’s be real, today is the day. In a few hours I will be heading to Spectrum Butterworth for a few different surgeries. I will be having phase two of my breast reconstruction including fat and tissue grafting, my port removal, and I will also be having my tubes and ovaries taken out with a frozen section biopsy being taken while I’m in surgery to rule out any current risk. I know I should be sleeping right now, but sleep is one thing I have yet to conquer so I am writing instead.

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