As a mom going through cancer treatment it’s really hard not to feel guilty about what your treatment and care is taking from the ones you love. I feel like Corryn has missed out on so many fun things this year because of me, so there was no amount of pain that was going to keep me from taking her to experience her “magical Santa moment”. As we got her ready to climb up on to Santa’s Lap and tell him what she wanted for Christmas, I overheard Jordan as he whispered into Corryn’s ear “tell Santa you want your mommy not to be sick anymore… that’s what daddy wants this year”. I’m not sure how I did it, but I managed to hold back the tears that were filling my eyes in this photo.
Now that I’m alone and trying to put my emotions into words, I cannot stop the tears from streaming down my face. Hearing those words come out of my sweet husband’s mouth took my breath away. This has been the hardest year of my life but I truly believe it has been even harder on those closest to me. After my reality sunk in, I was able to mentally prepare for what lay ahead of me and fight like hell, but my family and friends have had to helplessly watch me go through each and every step. They try very hard to hide it, but I can see the fear in their eyes when they look at me.
My Christmas wish this year is to give my sweet little girl her carefree childhood back, but most of all, my wish is to bring peace to those who love me and take all of the worry and fear away.