One of my biggest concerns in the beginning was how all of this was going to affect my sweet girl being that she was only 2 and a half when I was diagnosed. We decided that we didn’t want to hide what was happening to me, but rather do our best to explain things in a way that a toddler could break down and understand. In the beginning it was important to show her the bandages and the scars that she now calls mommy’s owies because she needed to know that she had to be-careful around me, which did back fire a few times in public because she would pull down my shirt and say I wanna see your owies mommy. 😀
Over the past year, she has started to understand it more and more and she always manages to make us smile in asking questions and voicing her opinion about all of this. I have been writing our conversations down since the beginning, even when what she says is sad. I just want to it documented. (Lord knows chemo-brain makes it hard to remember otherwise) but I have to share this conversation from today.
(The background story is she walked in on me getting dressed this am and again noticed that I only have one boob.) She made reference to it but dropped it quickly although from the conversation below its clear she was still thinking about it. As I got ready to tuck her in for nap, she rubbed my hair like she always does now and told me how much she likes that it’s growing and then asked if it would be back tomorrow? But today she followed up with this:
Corryn: Mommy after your hair comes back, your owies are going to be gone right?
Me: Yep my owies are getting better everyday.
Corryn: Is your other boob going to come back when your owies get better?
Me: laughing…. Well kinda. I have to have a few more surgeries first but someday I will have two boobs again.
Corryn: while making her very dramatically confused face, huh? But it can’t come back by itself, it’s not here anymore.
Me: still laughing. No honey, my doctor is going to help put my other boob back on. Remember?
Corryn: after a long pause. Mommy… Why does the doctor have your boob? Did she need another one?
I just love how much she lightens the mood around here.