We are very sad to report that the Kent County Judge that was assigned to our case has denied our second request to obtain legal rights to our babies. This means we are not able to put Eames and Ellison on our insurance plan, but also that we will now have to go through the very extensive adoption process to gain legal rights. We have been radio silent about this entire process knowing that it is a sensitive matter, however, it is something we can no longer keep private.
To give you a bit of a background, the state of Michigan has not updated the surrogacy act since 1988 which is mind-blowing considering the technological advances in fertility over the past 33 years. This means that there is not a clear path to obtain legal rights for babies born via gestational carrier or surrogate in Michigan, making Michigan one of only TWO states who have not updated surrogacy laws with technological advances in infertility and family building. This makes the gestational carrier process a little trickier in Michigan but not impossible in most parts of the state. In fact, a lot of Michigan judges are granting pre-birth orders to couples like us when both intended parents (Jordan and myself) are married, when the intended parents and the gestational carrier agree on legal rights and are both represented by independent legal representation, and when there is a genetic link between at least one parent and the baby(s). Despite the outdated laws in Michigan several judges across the state have even declared both of the biological/intended parents to be the legal parents in a pre-birth order under the compassionate surrogacy case. This is what we had hoped would happen in our case. Sadly it did not. Our first blow came about a month ago when we found out that our judge not only dismissed our petition to obtain maternal and paternal rights to the babies but also denied our request for a hearing. The hardest part was that he literally made his decisions without the proper time to read through the documents and fully consider our case.
Hearing that my only shot at being recognized as the legal mother to our biological babies before they were born and that I would have to adopt them as a step-parent in the “best-case scenario” was devastating for both Jordan and I. In the days that followed, we spent a lot of time looking into our options including what it would take to legally adopt if neither of us was granted rights. Hearing things like “Lauren is technically their mother-since she is the only one who is nurturing them right now” and that “we are extremely “lucky” that we would even get the chance to adopt the babies (our babies) given not all couples are chosen for adoption” were especially hard to hear. As hurtful and offensive as it was, we were still hopeful that Jordan could at least obtain his legal rights to the babies under the paternity act of 1956 given that he is also a biological parent. Above all, I truly believed that there wasn’t a judge on the planet that could listen to our story and heartlessly deny us rights to our babies. I didn’t think it was possible for a judge to knowingly make it harder for a loving family to gain legal rights to their own biological children when there is no one fighting them for the rights in question.
It’s been a hard few years, but this pregnancy and these babies represent so much hope and joy for Jordan, myself, and Corryn. For the first time in years, we felt like we were turning a corner, that we had earned a new beginning. Most of all, we were elated to have the opportunity to rejoice in the happiness that so many around us are blessed to take for granted. This past Friday we received the call and our attorney tearfully informed us that the judge had again dismissed our case without granting a hearing and he was not even willing to discuss the matter with either of our legal representatives.
To say we are heartbroken would be the understatement of the century, but despite all of the heartache and tears that this injustice has brought upon our family, we know that we have been blessed in more ways than we could ever express. We were blessed that I was able to fight my cancer into remission and that I am still here on earth and able to be a parent to our daughter Corryn and now our twins Eames and Ellison. We are blessed that Lauren and her family came into our lives when they did and that they were selflessly willing to help us grow our family with zero benefits to their own. We are blessed to have found an amazing attorney who is willing to do anything and everything in her power to help us obtain legal rights to our babies and most of all we are blessed that both Eames and Ellison were delivered safely during a worldwide pandemic and that we will eventually be able to bring our babies home and start our lives together as a family of 5 no matter the steps it takes to get there. For all of this, we will be eternally grateful.
However, nothing about this legal process has been fair or just. And nothing about this decision is RIGHT or even OK.
It is time for our great state of Michigan to rise above this injustice and join 48 other US States in recognizing the rights of biological parents like Jordan and myself, who have already been robbed of bringing their babies into the world in a natural way. A complex medical history should not put the legal rights of your biological children in question. The truth is our babies are not an idea. They are real living human beings who happen to need the support of their parents while they heal and grow in the NICU. This is truly the last thing that should be on our minds during what is filled with JOY and excitement for most parents.
We deserve better. Our children deserve better.
Michigan, It is time for a change.
