Category: Thoughts

False Progress

by admin

I was really impressed with the fact that I was actually able to fall asleep during a medical appointment for oh 3.5 minutes during today’s… Correction yesterday’s acupuncture clinical trial appointment. That was until it occurred to me that those three minutes of sleep tricked my body into believing it had gotten a full nights sleep.

So here I lay; with bloodshot and burning eyes, very achy joints and muscles, and a mind that is going a mile a minute. After several failed attempts to “power down” my body and my mind, I am now watching HGTV reruns and dreaming up passion projects, all while wondering if I should just fully give in, get out of bed, and write. I’m mean really, if I’m going to be awake all night, I should at least have progress to show for it right?

Early menopause induced insomnia and joint pain is the worst. Here comes sleep medication round two. Fingers crossed

‪#‎imtooyoungformenopause‬ ‪#‎insomniastinks‬
‪#‎mypersonalpinktime‬

Officially home

by admin

So we are officially on our way home from the airport and I see this on Facebook. No offense to my favorite person, but I think Ellen may have been a little tired or even a bit hung over after the Grammys. Don’t get me wrong, Tuesday’s show was awesome. I mean really, I got to see Ellen and the sexiest dad alive up close. But as I sit here laughing my butt off I’m realizing that Ellen was far more serious then she typically is when I was there. So in a completely grateful and appreciative way, I must say that the stars aligned for me to get tickets to Ellen’s show on the one year anniversary of the first day I was told I had cancer, which still gives me the chills, but they might have aligned a tad bit incorrectly. I think I was supposed to be at this show that was taped on the 17th, the one year anniversary of my biopsy (which could be argued as the actual day I was diagnosed smile emoticon, not only to see Adele and make both of my goals for 2016 come true, but also to see Ellen doing something so funny that not even she couldn’t hold it together. My stomach hurts I’m laughing so hard. I love Ellen.
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‪#‎mypersonalpinktime‬
#‎ellenandadeleprankjambajuice‬

In honor of World Cancer Day…

by admin

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I would like to encourage every woman out there to do a self-breast exam.

BREAST CANCER REALLY CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE…. The truth is not all women diagnosed with this awful disease are over the age of 50… over the age of 40… or even over the age of 20. Despite what we are often lead to believe, not all women who are diagnosed with breast cancer have a family history of the disease. Not all women diagnosed live an unhealthy lifestyle that includes low activity levels, overeating, smoking, or even the heavy consumption of alcohol. The harsh reality is; sometimes women who think they are doing everything right to take care of themselves and their bodies, still get breast cancer.

I am that person. I never thought it would happen to me, but I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 33. I do not have a family history of the disease. I very rarely have a drink. I have never smoked and I stay pretty active. I knew the risks and I lived by them, yet it still happened to me. I am proof that breast cancer can happen to anyone, and more importantly, I am proof that breast cancer can happen to you.

In honor of those of us who are fighting and those who can no longer fight, I encourage you to be proactive in your own health and push those you love to do the same. No matter how old you are, it is important that you know your body, that you check yourself often, and that you ask your doctor to preform a routine breast exam, men included.

Early detection really does save lives.

‪#‎mypersonalpinktime‬ ‪#‎worldcancerday‬

My very first Shaping a Pure Salon

by admin

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After a very intense 2-hour physical therapy session at Lemmon Holten to start stretching and breaking up some cording and tightness in my left shoulder, torso, and arm that has worsened since my surgery, I headed over to Pure Salon for my first haircut… ok let’s not get ahead of ourselves it was more of a shaping but it still felt good to sit in a salon chair again.

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Moving past the fear of getting “too close”

by admin

Moving past the fear of getting “too close”, and learning to be “at peace” with saying goodbye. When you’re diagnosed with something as scary as cancer a external transformation obviously happens as you progress through treatments and surgeries, however what those who haven’t experienced it personally may not realize is that an internal transformation also happens as well. In a sense you almost become a super human version of yourself. Every sense, every feeling, every fear, and every perception is heightened to the max and you are all of a sudden aware of everything around you to an extreme you have never experienced… the good and the bad. I have come to accept this transformation as a gift. Unlike most, I now see the beauty in even the dreariest days, I appreciate the littlest moments, and I take the time to be grateful for each and every day I have here, however there was a point about half way through my treatment where this transformation put me in a very fragile emotional state and almost made me withdraw from everything that I am and everyone that I cared about. I even withdrew from “My Personal Pink Time” for a while. I never thought I would actually explain why, however the conformation of some news that I have been dreading, has left me with a need to share.

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A Morning started in fear

by admin

If you have ever been diagnosed with a serious health condition, you know that any appointment that ends with the words “I’m sending you to radiology for an ultrasound right away” has the potential to test any confidence you have and fill your mind with fear. This was how my morning started. A few weeks back I found a small lump deep in my armpit nested very closely to my tissue expander. I immediately talked myself into believing it was nothing, however I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I shared my discovery with a friend who has also faced breast cancer this past week. Her advice was to call my oncologist to have this checked out right away just to be sure. I made the call Friday late afternoon and was given a 9:00 am appointment today.

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Saying Goodbye to 2015

by admin

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I have been looking forward to December 31st for so long because I couldn’t wait to put the hardest year of my life behind me. I woke up to one of facebook’s shared memories of photos from past New years Eves. Before I knew it, I was overcome with emotion and found it impossible to hold back the tears. Looking back at photos of our annual low key New Years Eve party with our best friends the Keasts and our girls, I realized just how clueless I was about what was about to smack me…. really all of us in the face. My mind was instantly flooded with memories of receiving the terrifying news, cold exam rooms, painful procedures, the wedge it put in our marriage for the first few months, the surgeries, infections, passing out at every turn, hospital stays, daily IV infusions, being sicker then I have ever been before, losing my hair, brows, and lashes, constantly seeing fear and sadness in the eyes of my closest friends and family, loosing parts of my body that I used to hold sacred and most of all, coming to terms with the constant fear that cancer was going to leave my baby girl without a mommy and my husband without a wife. But then something pretty special happened. I started receiving texts from my closest friends and family, and from people that have come into my life this year that I never would have met if it hadn’t been for my cancer diagnosis. Everyone was of course joining me in saying goodbye to 2015 and wishing me joy and good health in 2016, but to my surprise they were also thanking me for what knowing me during this journey has brought to their lives.
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My Christmas Wish

by admin

As a mom going through cancer treatment it’s really hard not to feel guilty about what your treatment and care is taking from the ones you love. I feel like Corryn has missed out on so many fun things this year because of me, so there was no amount of pain that was going to keep me from taking her to experience her “magical Santa moment”. As we got her ready to climb up on to Santa’s Lap and tell him what she wanted for Christmas, I overheard Jordan as he whispered into Corryn’s ear “tell Santa you want your mommy not to be sick anymore… that’s what daddy wants this year”. I’m not sure how I did it, but I managed to hold back the tears that were filling my eyes in this photo.

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Being pushed out of your comfort zone

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My Occupational therapist asked me to join her this past Wednesday as she gave a guest lecture to Grand Valley State University’s Graduating OT students on both Lymphedema and Auxiliary Web Syndrome. I really thought that I was just going to be laying on a table pretending that it didn’t hurt as she demonstrated how to treat the cording that runs down my arm and across my chest. What she didn’t tell me was that she was also going to have me share the details of my Breast Cancer journey with the class.

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Confusion & Emotion

by admin

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So it seems that confusion and emotion come even with the best of news when you’re dealing with the awful “c-word”. Although yesterdays test results are lifting me up, the fact that I have been feeling really weak and dizzy the past few days is reminding me that this is still my reality and in a way, always will be. I keep telling myself and others that I am fine but those closest to me are saying that I seem a bit withdrawn or even distant these days so maybe I am not as fine as I think I am.

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