Author: admin

Good laugh | 3 year olds say the funniest things

by admin

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One of my biggest concerns in the beginning was how all of this was going to affect my sweet girl being that she was only 2 and a half when I was diagnosed. We decided that we didn’t want to hide what was happening to me, but rather do our best to explain things in a way that a toddler could break down and understand. In the beginning it was important to show her the bandages and the scars that she now calls mommy’s owies because she needed to know that she had to be-careful around me, which did back fire a few times in public because she would pull down my shirt and say I wanna see your owies mommy. 😀
Over the past year, she has started to understand it more and more and she always manages to make us smile in asking questions and voicing her opinion about all of this. I have been writing our conversations down since the beginning, even when what she says is sad. I just want to it documented. (Lord knows chemo-brain makes it hard to remember otherwise) but I have to share this conversation from today.

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A Morning started in fear

by admin

If you have ever been diagnosed with a serious health condition, you know that any appointment that ends with the words “I’m sending you to radiology for an ultrasound right away” has the potential to test any confidence you have and fill your mind with fear. This was how my morning started. A few weeks back I found a small lump deep in my armpit nested very closely to my tissue expander. I immediately talked myself into believing it was nothing, however I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I shared my discovery with a friend who has also faced breast cancer this past week. Her advice was to call my oncologist to have this checked out right away just to be sure. I made the call Friday late afternoon and was given a 9:00 am appointment today.

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Saying Goodbye to 2015

by admin

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I have been looking forward to December 31st for so long because I couldn’t wait to put the hardest year of my life behind me. I woke up to one of facebook’s shared memories of photos from past New years Eves. Before I knew it, I was overcome with emotion and found it impossible to hold back the tears. Looking back at photos of our annual low key New Years Eve party with our best friends the Keasts and our girls, I realized just how clueless I was about what was about to smack me…. really all of us in the face. My mind was instantly flooded with memories of receiving the terrifying news, cold exam rooms, painful procedures, the wedge it put in our marriage for the first few months, the surgeries, infections, passing out at every turn, hospital stays, daily IV infusions, being sicker then I have ever been before, losing my hair, brows, and lashes, constantly seeing fear and sadness in the eyes of my closest friends and family, loosing parts of my body that I used to hold sacred and most of all, coming to terms with the constant fear that cancer was going to leave my baby girl without a mommy and my husband without a wife. But then something pretty special happened. I started receiving texts from my closest friends and family, and from people that have come into my life this year that I never would have met if it hadn’t been for my cancer diagnosis. Everyone was of course joining me in saying goodbye to 2015 and wishing me joy and good health in 2016, but to my surprise they were also thanking me for what knowing me during this journey has brought to their lives.
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Full Surgical and Post Surgical Update: Reconstruction part 3, ovariectomy, chemo port removal, fat grafting

by admin

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The Morning of Surgery came quick since I really didn’t get any sleep. We had to be at Butterworth at 7:30 so we met my friend and Photographer Sam in the lobby at 7:15. After 5 minutes of talking in the Surgery waiting room with this amazingly funny woman I actually forgot what I was there for. My best friend Sarah met us as we were led into the pre-op room. They didn’t run as many tests before this surgery so we actually had some time to just hang out and catch up. Putting my husband, my sister wife Sarah, and Sam in a room is always a recipe for belly laughs so the time before my surgery was actually kind of fun.

Oddly every nurse that talked to me and my anesthesiologist seemed very surprised that I was having so many different Surgeries done in one day, but I’m still very happy that I was able to check so many things off my list before the New Year. However the mood seemed a bit different with the medical staff this time around. More serious for some reason or maybe it just seemed that way because we were having so much for in the pre-op room before they came in to get me ready.

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My Christmas Wish

by admin

As a mom going through cancer treatment it’s really hard not to feel guilty about what your treatment and care is taking from the ones you love. I feel like Corryn has missed out on so many fun things this year because of me, so there was no amount of pain that was going to keep me from taking her to experience her “magical Santa moment”. As we got her ready to climb up on to Santa’s Lap and tell him what she wanted for Christmas, I overheard Jordan as he whispered into Corryn’s ear “tell Santa you want your mommy not to be sick anymore… that’s what daddy wants this year”. I’m not sure how I did it, but I managed to hold back the tears that were filling my eyes in this photo.

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Tomorrow is the day

by admin

Ok let’s be real, today is the day. In a few hours I will be heading to Spectrum Butterworth for a few different surgeries. I will be having phase two of my breast reconstruction including fat and tissue grafting, my port removal, and I will also be having my tubes and ovaries taken out with a frozen section biopsy being taken while I’m in surgery to rule out any current risk. I know I should be sleeping right now, but sleep is one thing I have yet to conquer so I am writing instead.

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Being pushed out of your comfort zone

by admin

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My Occupational therapist asked me to join her this past Wednesday as she gave a guest lecture to Grand Valley State University’s Graduating OT students on both Lymphedema and Auxiliary Web Syndrome. I really thought that I was just going to be laying on a table pretending that it didn’t hurt as she demonstrated how to treat the cording that runs down my arm and across my chest. What she didn’t tell me was that she was also going to have me share the details of my Breast Cancer journey with the class.

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Confusion & Emotion

by admin

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So it seems that confusion and emotion come even with the best of news when you’re dealing with the awful “c-word”. Although yesterdays test results are lifting me up, the fact that I have been feeling really weak and dizzy the past few days is reminding me that this is still my reality and in a way, always will be. I keep telling myself and others that I am fine but those closest to me are saying that I seem a bit withdrawn or even distant these days so maybe I am not as fine as I think I am.

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First 3 Month Oncology Appointment

by admin

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I met with my amazingly sweet surgical oncologist today. It seems like forever since I have seen her, but she and my chemo nurse greeted me with a big smile, a hug, and told me I look incredible which made me feel good. I am still very anxiously waiting on the results from my blood work, but I’m happy to report my appointment went well. I do have some residual painand loss of mobility in my arms due to the double mastectomy, so she sending me to the Spectrum Health Star Oncology Rehabilitation Program for physical therapy and she is also putting me into a acupuncture trial that treats the awful side effects to the hormone therapy I am on. But otherwise things are looking pretty good and I am still on track for 3 of my surgeries on December 15th. Fingers crossed my labs come back good and my breast cancer marker has went down…

Photo was taken the day Dr. Melnik told me I needed Chemo and radiation.